Marriage Monday

I feel like in our day and time now that the sanctity of marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper that you pay for to make it "official" so the woman can change her last name.. yet again.

That's is so far from the truth. Marriage is a commitment. Marriage is work and it gets hard sometimes. But if done right.. it is the most rewarding thing you will ever experience. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that in this world of 6 billion people.. someone has your back.. at all times. To support you , love you, listen to you, ..and annoy you. Let's be honest if you live together long enough.. you get annoyed with each other.

I want to use my little space here on the world wide web to hopefully inspire someone to not quit.. to work at it.. make it work.. at all costs...you won't regret it.

The Husband Challenge Day 30

What? This is it? Wow! We made it!
I am so proud of you for following along...and proud of myself for sticking with this!
If you have gotten this far and you have read all thirty days...I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Here we go..
Last Day!


Day Thirty

This is my beloved, and this is my friend.
(Song of Solomon 5:16b)

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when

truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to

him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today.

Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends

can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts.

The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As

you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your

husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the

qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and

frame a poem about him.

Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or

poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him, and if he is willing, thank God for your love

and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home. Encouragement, as you have seen

these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action.

***

How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage

you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where

you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the

results to God? Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your

willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in

ways you do not expect, but one thing is sure—you will never be the same because of

your commitment to be more like Christ!

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-

Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share these victories

with me? And again..Thank you so much for following this little series on my blog...I

appreciate you! 

The Husband Challenge Day 29

Day Twenty-nine

A prudent man foresees evil, and hides himself; the simple pass on, and are punished.(Prov. 27:12)



As you near the end of your Encouragement Challenge, take time to think about your

husband's responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, etc. Does your

husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography,

sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat?

This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the

wicked advances of Potiphar's wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins

are first and foremost, sins against God (Gen. 39:9).

Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today—and express your gratitude.

The Husband Challenge Day 28

Day Twenty-eight

The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility.
(Prov. 15:33)

Sometimes, when we just "know" we are right and our husbands are wrong, it takes

great humility to honor them. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own

hearts are puffed up with pride. Pick your battles...is it worth putting a dent in your marriage? Even if you are right..let it go..if it isn't important and later when your husband realizes that were right..He will take note. He might not tell you..but he will notice.

As part of your Encouragement Challenge today, pray that you will respond to the Lord

in faith and humility before you react to your husband. Speak wisely and well, and leave

the results to God.

The humility that comes from a right relationship with God—the humility that comes

when a man is willing to listen to God and be taught from His Word—is indeed a

beautiful quality. Jesus was an example of this kind of humility when he was willing to

submit to His Father's will (John 6:38; Matt. 26:39).

Does your husband have that kind of humility? Is he willing to learn from and submit to

direction from the Lord? Let your husband know how precious this is to your marriage

relationship.

The Husband Challenge Day 27

Day Twenty-seven

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the

LORD.
(Ps. 31:24)

You have almost completed the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge." Perhaps it has

taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of encouragement

consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. I know it isn't

super easy...but Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words

have been shared.

There are lots of "tough guys" in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does

your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand

alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change

injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the

attacks of the Enemy?

Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from "waiting" on the Lord for His

strength. If your budget allows, "award" your husband with a medal, trophy, framed

picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of

God. Praise evidences of your husband's courage in protecting you, your marriage,

your family, or your home.
 

The Husband Challenge Day 26

Day Twenty-six

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
(Luke 2:52)

If you have faithfully encouraged your husband, you will no doubt have seen some

changes in his life . . . and your own life, as well.

 Encouragement is a wonderful habit that I hope you will continue for the rest of your life.

The important thing is to keep growing in Christ and obeying the Word of God as you

respond to your husband. As you consider today how to bless your husband and not

tear him down, think of ways that you can encourage balance in your home.

Jesus led a balanced life. He grew mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. As you

see your husband branching out in these areas, is there a pattern of growth? Is your

husband striving for balance in his life? If so, let him know you have noticed, and ask

how you can further encourage that balance.

If your husband is out of balance—focusing on one area to the exclusion of the others—consider whether there are things you can do to help restore or create balance in his

life. Can you encourage times for sports or exercise? Keep the children quiet for a study

time? Invite friends over for dinner? Stimulate his mind?

Be sure you are working toward balance in your own life, as well. Be an example!

The Husband Challenge Day 25

Day Twenty-five

Seek peace, and pursue it.
(Ps. 34:14b)

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in

You.
(Isa. 26:3)

Before you consider whether these verses describe your husband, consider your own

presence in the home. Do you promote an atmosphere of peace, or do critical words

often flow from your mouth? Do you struggle with anger? If so, before you continue with

your Encouragement Challenge, confess these sinful habits to the Lord, and determine

to speak words of peace to your family today.

Does your husband bring an atmosphere of peace into your home? Is his presence a

calming influence? Does he bring music, entertainment, books or people into your home
that build a sense of serenity?

Let him know how much you appreciate this wonderful quality, and support his choices.

If, on the other hand, he is quickly angered or he creates chaos rather than calm, ask

God to give you an abundance of the kind of peace that will speak to his heart. Be

patient and loving. Create an inviting atmosphere of peace, as much as possible.

The Husband Challenge Day 24

Day Twenty-four

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the

training and admonition of the Lord.
(Eph. 6:4)

Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support

her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his

fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up.

Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and
encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he
spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

If you don't have children, is your husband positive and encouraging around other

people's children? Let him know that you have noticed.

If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need

to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents,

and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him

how to parent—while still maintaining his authority in the home.

The Husband Challenge Day 23

Let your speech always be with grace.
(Col. 4:6a)

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of

what you've committed:

"You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband. "Each day, say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!


Day Twenty Three
In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works.
(Titus 2:7a)

Does the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a

pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the

surface of ways to encourage your mate.

Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a
pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more of these traits that you see in him.

Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more

spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to

help him with disciplines he has not yet developed—but this does not include nagging.

You can keep him organized.

Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he

wants to give up.

The Husband Challenge Day 22

Day Twenty Two


Let your speech always be with grace.
(Col. 4:6a)

Today is Thanksgiving Day 2012!! There will be alot of hustle and bustle today..I pray that you all find time to read this before the craziness starts ..because today I want you to Focus on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community.

In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If the only things your family and friends knew of your husband is the things you have said about him..what would they think of him?

Do you need to change your filter?

I know women talk..we need to vent...but when you do ..remember to go back and vent about something good too..You don't want your best friend to end up not liking your husband because she only hears bad things.


Do you talk positively about your husband to others . . . or do you complain and criticize? Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never "rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area. Be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."

Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband

before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse.

Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may

come back to him—and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never

tearing him down.

Don't forget: you are always criticizing—or encouraging—before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace.

***

While you are considering how your speech can reflect the grace of the Lord in your

husband's life, don't forget that your words can also encourage others. When you share

what God is doing in your life through this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," others

will be blessed. Perhaps other wives will be moved to take up this challenge. Please take a moment and tell me how things are going for you..I would love to hear from you!! 

The Husband Challenge Day 21

Day Twenty One

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be

added to you.
(Matt. 6:33)

If we are living a Christian life, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal

perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and

encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.

I know it is probably going to be a crazy day. Family may be coming in....all ovens and stoves are going...but just remember to enjoy the moment.

Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and things of this world.

If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system
and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same.

Only two things will go into eternity...

the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things.



 

The Husband Challenge Day 20

Day Twenty

Wow! Day twenty..Are you still with me? I sure hope so!!
We are almost done.. I would love to know if you are seeing any difference!!

And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ

also forgave you.
(Eph. 4:32)

It's time for some heart examination...for us as wives.  As you continue in this 30-day challenge, have you found any roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your husband?
Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband—by God's grace and in His power—you will not be able to encourage him? Your own resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving attitudes. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you. I don't know about you guys but some of the arguments me and my husband..even the big ones...a couple weeks later or even at the time..I can't even remember "how" they got started...Can you?

Another one of my faults is when we do get into an argument..I am mad..I mean mad..for like a while...My husband can be completely over it in ten minutes. I love him for that..but it aggrevates the dog out of me!! So my point...pick your battles..if you are going to go to odds with your husband make sure it is about something that you have a strong point of view on and that you will be able to remember "why" you started the conversation.

Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems? Express your thankfulness for such a man.

Does your husband seem to harbor grudges against you? If so, could there be things you need to change? Get together...or by yourself..and make a list of all those past hurts..or arguements or things said..and let him know that you are starting clean..you forgive him..and you hope that if you have done anything to him...that he will let you know..so you know what to change and that he will forgive you.

 

The Husband Challenge Day 19

Day Nineteen

Read a wife's description of her beloved in Song of Solomon 5:10-16.

¹⁰ My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
¹¹ His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
¹² His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
¹³ His cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
¹⁴ His arms are rods of gold
set with topaz.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with lapis lazuli.
¹⁵ His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
¹⁶ His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved, this is my friend,
daughters of Jerusalem.

Criticism leaves scars; but encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as

you focus on your "30-Day Encouragement Challenge."

Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive.

Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands' bodies.

Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter

how a man looks—by the standards of the world—a loving God designed them all, and

they are all "beautiful" in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his

uniqueness.

As you look over your husband's body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head,

thank God that your husband is "wonderfully made," then admire your husband verbally.

(Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders?

Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?)

Pick one and tell him. You know we as women love to hear that we beautiful..and we start to feel blah when our husband's haven't told us that in a while...
Here is a secret..Husbands like to hear that too!
I am not near as smooth and sweet as the woman in Song of Solomon..but I can do a simple "Hey babe..You look very handsome today!"

 

The Husband Challenge Day 18

You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy . . . Happy are the

people whose God is the LORD!
(Ps. 16:11a; 144:15b)

A merry heart does good like medicine.
(Prov. 17:22a)

It's hard to criticize others when we are enjoying their company. Instead of speaking

negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience

fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband.

Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a "little boy"

that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart?

This is a wonderful part of who he is, and a great strength. Let him know that you

appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive

play times.

If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some

play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax.

The Husband Challenge Day 17

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One

is understanding.
(Prov. 9:10)

Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26

suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman

encourages her husband.

Is your husband a "wise man?" Does he have a godly perspective that comes from

knowing God and walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for

his life and vision for your home? Tell him how much this means to you.

If you are not sure about your husband's vision for your home, ask him, "Honey, what

do you want to accomplish with our marriage and home in the years to come?" and

"How can I help you accomplish that?" If he does not have a vision, your questions may

inspire him to develop one.

If your husband is not walking with God—or perhaps, does not know the Lord—you have the opportunity and responsibility to practice your faith and create a thirst for God.

Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, and keep

praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum!

The Husband Challenge Day 16

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a

helper comparable to him."
(Gen. 2:18)

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women nag and whine their mates, the husbands may long for solitude. Remember  yesterday? Don't be a dripping faucet!!  Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly.

We, as wives, were fearfully and wonderfully made to be a companion to our man. To help him, be there for him, encourage him..whatever he needs we should take pride in helping him. When the vows were said..we became "one flesh" with God.

The thing that keeps popping up in my mind today is communicate.
Communication can solve so many problems. Communicate however you two do it. If sitting down at the table and having a discussion is what you do..then do it. Make plans to do it..write it on the calendar! Thank your husband for communicating with you...Men aren't natual communicators...They don't talk about feelings and needs..so if this actually happens in your house..you are a very lucky woman and do NOT take it for granted.

The best way my husband and I communicate is through letters..we are both very Type A personalities..which means niether one of us can let go of control...which doesn't make for a nice conversation...but in a letter..only one person can talk...and the other has to listen before responding. Do whatever works for you!


If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates

that are normal for him: smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant grunt, and

then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly

taught how to communicate. Be patient with him . . . and listen when he does speak.

The Husband Challenge Day 15

Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
(2 Pet. 3:18a)

Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; or how we used to... we only tend to see our husband's faults. Which is normal. I, with all of my heart, think that makign a man and woman live together under the same roof and get along was another one of God's punishments from The Garden! It is impossible to live with another human being and not fight! We all have our days where it doesn't matter what he does..he is wrong. ....and vice versa!
But..take a step back...breathe!

Is he growing spritually in ways you haven't noticed or failed to appreciate? How can you encourage him in a fresh new way?

This whole challenge I have been sending little text messages to my husband....a new way would be actually talking to him..or writing him a letter...Find another way to encourage...

Make his favorite dinner..just to let him know you know what his favorite is?..or better yet..make his favorite dessert...or BE his dessert..that will get his attention!

Remember your husband is accountable to God for his spritual growth..and we are here to encourage that growth not hinder it. God created us to be man's helper..not whiner and complainer.

The bible even says that a nagging women is like a dripping faucet...
Can anyone say OUCH!

Can you identify a spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say of him?

If you can identify any of these...tell him and praise him for it!


If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual

growth in the future.

The Husband Challenge Day 14

Day Fourteen

The righteous man walks in his integrity.
(Prov. 20:7a)

First of all this week let's define "integrity"
Integrity is doing the right thing..even when no one is watching
 
Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and comprimised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelities (perfect now with the head of the CIA in the news all the time now), and hypocritical leaders. It is so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful and genuine.
Sad..but true!

We don't get news stories about couples making it to their 50th anniversary! We get stories about how Tiger Woods wife tore up his truck..why? Because that is alot more interesting!

As you continue on this challenge determine to look for ways that your husband stands out against the culture of these days. The divorce rate is 50%...Seriously...HALF of all marriages get divorced! My reason exactly for doing this challenge.

Is your spouse a man of inegrity? One of the things I LOVED about my husband is that I felt completely confident that a beautiful woman could walk by him and he wouldn't turn his head from me..that is not of society now..it is a "given" or "understood" now that men will look..as long as they don't touch..That is not OK with me!

Is he fair in his dealings with other people? Is he honest? Consider all the ways a man can live with integrity and praise your husband for one of them. As you have the opportunity ...as it is appropriate...share examples of your husbands honesty and integrity with others. And even better..let him "overhear" you.


***

Isn't it amazing what the power of encouragement can do in others' lives? It can change lives..and it certainly can change your marriage! So many blessings come to those who we are encouraging along with blessign our own hearts. It feels nice to encourage someone!

I would love for you to share with me how this challenge is helping you and anything you have gotten from it. What has God been doing in your heart as you have set yourself to be determined to encourage your husband? Have you seen changes in your husband?

Let me know!

The Husband Challenge Day 13

Day Thirteen

Wow! I can't believe we have made it to Day 13!

This post was hard to write for me because I do not usually talk about stuff like this...especially in public...so this is a challenge for both of us!


I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.
(Song of Solomon 7:10)

You and your husband desire each other..at least I hope you do. When you date and made that decision to marry..you desire each other. There is passion...but to be completely honest..Passion and desire can fade..quickly!
The sexual relationship. It's one of those elements—along with money and children—that can derail a marriage through negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond.

Let's get to the nitty gritty here:
Is your husband a "good lover"? Are you happy with him in that area of your marriage? Have you told him?

If you were going to encourage your husband in ANY area of your marriage this area should be number one..so be specific! Let him know what he does right. Most husbands take alot of pride in pleasing their wives..so let him know he does!


Does this area of your marriage need some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men so even if you need to tell him that he may need to change a few things...keep it positive!!

Have you heard of the sandwhich effect?
When you have a problem...start with a postive...slip in the negative...and end on a positive.

Being a preschool teacher I have had to use this effect quite often sometimes...

Ms. So and So...Little Johnny is one of my best helpers in my room..He is always ready to help me in any way..but today we had a little bit of a listening problem...but we talked about it and I'm sure tomorrow I will get my good helper back!

See..I just told her that her kid wasn't listenging today ..but she doesn't feel like he was in trouble all day or she is obligated to do something.

So encourage your husband and keep it positive!

The Husband Challenge Day 12

Day Twelve

With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love(Eph. 4:2)

Part of the difficulty you may face as you continue in this 30-day challenge to encourage

your husband is that you really are struggling to find positive things to praise. Perhaps

the problem is not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart?

Sometimes we get disillusioned because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic

expectations (Prov. 13:12). It may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it's

simply that we expect too much in some areas.

Our expectations must be met in God alone, and then we will have the right perspective

to ask God for the healing and grace we need to respond to others.

How sad that we give more grace to others than to those in our own homes


Today try to look at your husband through eyes of grace and verbally thank him for what he is already doing.