Who am I?

Today the class from Kristen (Find Your Voice) and the blog challenge from Becky (52 weeks of purposefully blogging) goes hand in hand..

Week Two of Find Your Voice is titled.............Who Are You?
and in the 52 weeks blog challenge the theme is.......Who I am!

Great huh?
I posted a post similar to these themes back in December HERE...so that was a good start and I will just add on to it!



Please know that you are not to late to start either of these .. jump in where you are or start at week 1 and go at your own pace!!





I love a quote that Kristen inserted in to our Lesson Two Worksheets:

"Who are we if not the stories we pass down? What happens when there's no one left to tell those stories? To hear them? Who will ever know that I existed? What if we are the only ones left...who will know our stories then? Who will remember those?"
-Carrie Ryan, The Forest of Hands and Teeth



I AM
Nikki.....named by my father (I think) ...also heard I was named after a Soap Opera star...either way..I own it and love it!
Faye is my middle name.. it was also my Dad's mom name.. She passed away when he was around three years old...I am proud to carry on her name.. which I also gave to my daughter

I AM
Nik to friends....Sis to my brother.... Mom to my daughter ......and Babe to my husband

I AM
a child of God. Redeemed. Forgiven. Bought with a serious price tag.

I AM
28 ..soon to be 29 in July...July 24th to be exact..almost three decades old! I have survived an ice storm with no electricity for a month and many tornado warnings in almost 30 years. My years of life have been fulfilling and exciting..I'm looking forward to many more!

I AM
and always will be a resident of the Mid-Land Valley at heart! It is just called Midland now..but us natives like to call it the Mid-Land Valley because we are in a valley.. a true valley.. in between two mountains.

I AM
a lover of pink. I admit it...relunctantly...but every since that pretty pink blanket was handed to me in August of 2008 that made me a momma.... I have loved pink ever since.

I AM
an ice cream eater. Mainly vanilla..throw in some cookie dough or some chocolate chips and that will be just fine

I AM
a reader. I love to read. I go through moods of reading. I used to love reading Law/Mystery books.. now I am more into Inspirational/NonFiction/Self Help books.

I AM
a scrapper. Scrapbooking that is. Which means there is paper everywhere, scissors, pens, glue, stickers, etc...all unorganized.. all crazy...and I love it!

I AM
a picture taker. I am NOT a photographer because I know nothing about light or shutter speed.. I just know how to capture memories.. so I am an avid picture taker

I AM
not a traveler..in a car. I am a flyer...not a rider!

I AM
a teacher. I love to see kids learning in any way possible.

I AM
a storyteller. The author of my life story. No one can tell my story to my children like I can.

Don't be afraid to tell your story..Don't be afraid to be YOU

YOU ...in reality
YOU..the author of your story

Something you have gone through ..someone else is going through now and may need to hear your imperfect story.
Every single story is worth telling. 

Letter to my 21 year old self

Dearest Nikki,

Honey, Baby, Sugar...
First of all and the most important thing I want to tell you is that the guy your with is not for you. It isn't going to work out. No matter how much cry, beg, or plead...It isn't going to happen. God doesn't want him for you...so just break it off now and let it go. It is hard..It will hurt..I know you spent seven years with him. You have a lot of memories with him...but guess what? There is good news...because someone even better will walk right up to you and blow you away! This new guy...His name is Gregg..He is great. He is the one. Spend your time with him..He is going to invest his future in you. He asks you where you want to eat.. and what movie you want to see. He is literally great! Don't waste anymore of your time trying to make something work with the other dude. This new guy will give you love, praise, affection...not to mention a wonderful house and a beautiful baby girl! Heck ...later on in your marriage ..he buys you a new car..for putting up with him! Seriously! Go now! Don't look back!

Remember that all the hurtful words you have been told ..is not true.. You are not fat! No where near it! Dont' let it hurt you. You are good enough.. there is someone waiting to be in a great relationship with you...

Finish college.. it is going to be hard going back after marriage and a baby. Go ahead and get it done now.

Start slowing down on the Dr Pepper ..you will find yourself crazy addicted to it later...and with the stresses of life you start to depend on it more.. no lie.. so just start making yourself like water.

Keep taking care of your little brother.. make sure his life is great. I know it's hard.. and you miss out on a lot for doing it.. but in the end.. it is worth it.. He will be thankful and appreciative. And when you get those Happy Mother's Day's from him..you will see why you put in the hard work to raise your brother..why you missed so many football games and date nights...to potty train and sing lullabies. It is worth it. Cherish it. Note: You will lose feeling in the bottom of your hair line because baby brother likes to twist your hair to fall asleep. but it is ok.. you don't really need feeling there.. LOL...

Keep taking care of your dad. He is grown..but he needs you. He has been through a lot in his life. His main purpose in life is taking care of you and your brother so he has to work...a lot...he is now a single dad.. give him some slack and be patient with him. He is learning too.

Don't let your mom and dad's divorce get you down. You have learned a lot from it. You now know how to take care of a child when you are ready to have your own..and believe it helps a lot. You aren't as touchy and scared to take that new precious life home. You are excited..because you know what your doing! You have learned to take care of a bank account and pay bills...which comes in handy a lot now. You have learned that all people make mistakes and life isn't as grand as it was when we were 11. Dust yourself off...pull yourself up...and keep going.

Your cousin Brittany is a lifesaver. She is there for you no matter what...or when. She listens to you for hours.. gives advice when you need it..and rescues you if she has to. Don't take that for granted...and do the same for her.

Sometimes you will be discouraged because you never got to live out your glory days...but that's ok.. you didn't need them...you turn out just fine.

Jesus never left you..He is still there.. and this new amazing guy...will lead you straight back to him. Follow.

This year will be the end of your hard years.. after this it gets better.. I promise... it has been rough...but you have pulled through.. and you will come out on the other side shining... you have overcome and you will win this game of life and I am so proud of you!
Don't lose touch with family...it is all you have in life.
Now go put a smile on your face and get ready to tackle the world!

and be prepared...in a couple years..you are going to be planning a wedding.. then shortly after you will be a momma..
see..told you the bad days were over..
from here on out ..life is GREAT!

Your 28 year old self:

Missing person alert: Me!

Happy 2013 Everyone!
I know I have been away for a while and thank you for standing by.

A new year brings new resolutions
new plans
new goals
new do's
new don'ts

The start of my new year brought me many changes.

One change being the realization that I don't find myself important.
Important enough to take time out of my day for ME

"I am so busy"
I say that all the time

But really what am I doing.

cleaning
laundry
organizing
making lesson plans
cleaning
laundry
cooking
being a mom
wife
teacher
cleaning..LOL

I have no time in my day that is carved out for me.
I stay up late to talk to my husband.. and I have to get up early early in the morning.
I sacrifice sleep to be a good wife
I sacrifice the last Reeses cup to be a good mom
I sacrifice time to be a good friend

but one thing I don't sacrifice for ...

is ME

I feel like I have hit a selfish streak in my blog posts.. but I think God is showing me that I am important too..not because of the things I do..but just being who I am and I can't be who I am if I don't take care of myself.

My husband once mentioned that I wasn't the "laid back country girl" that he once met..I took it one way..he said he meant it another..
I know that what he said was his way of telling me to slow down and chill
I took it as, "Great he hates me, He is already looking for someone else...We are DONE!"
Kidding..I didn't go to that extreme..but it did make me realize that I wasn't the girl he met

How could I be?
I have bills to pay now
a house to take care of
a child to raise
dogs to feed
a job

I live on schedules and time limits now

I have to be uptight, responsible, and structured

Don't I?

Is that how God intended my life to be lived?

on a time restraint

or does he want my life to be fully enjoyed
every minute
every second

He made me completely unique from everyone else in this world...
so why am I not being that unique person?

why am I caught up doing things that are nothing like me
running here
running there
losing patience
stressing out
comfort food eating
feeling bad about image
feeling sorry for myself

That isn't me!

I used to run just to enjoy the scenery and feel the sun
It felt good to sweat
I had the patience of Mother Teresa
I didn't even know what stress was besides the occasional boyfriend break up
I ate when I felt hungry
and I never felt sorry for myself.. I was proud of my life and where it was going

Time to turn the clock back
In 2013..I am finding ME!

Me
who likes to scrapbook
who likes to run
who isn't in a hurry all the time
who takes care of herself

I am finding that girl again
I don't know where she went..
or even where is at the moment

but I am searching for her
and she will be found!

So give me a virtual 'fist pump'
and I'm saying

Here is to finding ME in Twenty-Thirteen!

Who am I?

I AM

the mom who does not ask anyone to watch my child for me to get a "mommy" break. I was taught that when I have children they are MY responsibility...not my mothers or anyone else for that matter. She is mine and I will take care of her with all of my being.  

 

I AM

the mom who doesn't like to be away from my child AT ALL..call me clingy..call me whatever...I love my daughter. She will go shopping with me and she will go on vacations with me. If children aren't allowed..I probably won't be able to make it.  

 

I AM

the mom who likes to know what my child is doing at all times..if she has ate..if she is feeling OK..I want to know

I am NOT

the mom and woman who invites people over just to have a sit down dinner at the table and talk. Come over and watch the game, come over and play games, come over and craft and I will feed you..but do not expect a formal dinner and chatting.

 

I AM

that girl who doesn't allow herself to be walked on...my daddy would slap me at the age of 28 if I allowed someone to devalue me. If you respect me and my family..we shouldn't have a problem.  

 

I AM

sensitive and I do have feelings...you might not see them all the time..but they are there..and when I push them down for so long..eventually they will come out and you will see them in full force.

I AM
a woman who believes that you don't say things " because you were mad " ..I think that is a bunch of bull. I think when you are mad is usually when the truth comes out.

I AM
the wife that respects and trusts her husband's judgement. I will go along with what he decides for our family.

 

I AM

a planner...I like to be ahead of schedule and we are always on a schedule.  

I AM NOT

a person who does everything right and I am humble enough to admit that.
 

 

I don't dress up..

I like jeans and a Tshirt 

I love Jesus, Dr Pepper and Cool Ranch Doritos.
My family is my priority.

 

 

my house is never fully cleaned and organized

 

I'm not perfect

but I am me

 

all i can offer is me

us

my side of the story

my view of the world

 

I can offer a house full of humor, love, and dogs

toys and dress up clothes on the floor

my stories 

my thoughts 

a precious little girl growing up before my eyes

pictures ...probably way to many

heartaches and struggles

moments of joy and blessings

I can offer you a viewfinder into my daily life

but what I can't do 

and what I can not offer 

is me being someone I'm not

trying to make everyone happy and just forgetting how i feel and who I am

trying to fit in when I was never really apart of the picture to begin with

I am not going to pretend that my child is dressed cute every day

my shelves aren't dusted, neither is my ceiling fan, 

I don't like to cook and I barely have time to shave in the shower

 

All you get here ...is me...in reality...

and I'm not apologizing..

 

No More Apologies

I think that this has been what God has needed me to go through for a while
a test to see if I am strong enough to be ME
fully me
 

Don't be afraid to tell your story..Don't be afraid to be YOU

YOU ...in reality

Something you have gone through ..someone else is going through now and may need to hear your imperfect story. Every single story is worth telling. Someone will want to listen.

So am i going to start writing short stories and novels...

Ha

No..absolutely not! 

But I am going to write us.. our story ..our life.. in reality.

Here is your viewfinder. I hope you like it.