4.30.2013

The Narrow Road of my marriage



Meeting my husband was by the hand of God.
I felt like he was my fairy tale landing smack dab in the middle of my regular life.

Our relationship was like an excerpt right out of a romance novel:
we met
we dated
he made a huge deal out of every holiday and even regular moments
got flowers for no reason
love notes
he proposed..i said yes

we planned
we moved in "our apartment"
we said I DO
we decorated our "home"

He had a dream one night we were having a baby
I called him later that day while he was hunting to tell him he was right!

We decorated a nursery
had a baby girl
bought a house with a backyard
and became a family

It was great! I couldn't have asked for more...It was perfect for me, but it wasn't perfect all the time.
We had our moments when we both probably thought, "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

Marriage isn't easy..everyone told me it wouldn't be..but I couldn't imagine it being any less than perfect with my fairy tale man! Once we realized that just because we were in love didn't mean that the world became a perfect place we had to take on a new look into our marriage. We knew there would be ups and downs...but we needed a guideline..a. more narrow road... to keep us on the same page with each other.



So here is our narrow road of our  marriage:



I love you at the end of a phone call is a must - We never know how much time we have left on this Earth so the last thing we say to each other when we leave each other's presence is "I Love You" ...not "love ya" ... "I Love You" ...that isn't something we take lightly...it isnt' slang or just a phrase...it is letting you know that you are loved.
Lately my daughter has been seriously into Rapunzel and there is a part on the movie that she has brought into our home.
Rapunzels mother (Mother Gothel) tells she loves her
Rapunzel says, "I Love You, more"
Mother Gothel replies, "I Love You, most"
Yes, may be a little cheesy...but it's grown on us.

a kiss when you enter and leave the house is a must - same as above..when you leave there is an "I Love You" and a kiss...when you come home there is a welcome kiss...sometimes even if you just run out to get milk.

we do not say divorce...it is not an option. I'm not going to lie..at the beginning of our marriage we did mention divorce. We both were dumbfounded at trying to live happily with one another. We both also quickly realized that divorce was not an option for us. Nothing against anyone who has been or going through a divorce...personally it will not be an option for us.

We respect each other...this is a big one. There is a general definition of respect that we give to each other but we both have certain things that make us feel respected. His different than mine and we are both conscious of what each other needs. The general definition is to honor your spouse...don't talk negatively about your spouse, don't air your marital problem for others to be able to cast judgement, have courtesy towards your spouse. Sometimes it is easy to be more courteous to strangers than our own spouse. He personally feels respected when the house is clean and dinner is made..so I do that. What works in our family may not work in yours and that's OK.  I can already feel my email blowing up saying "You are not a slave to him!" I agree..I am not a slave..I enjoy cleaning house and makign my family dinner to show them I love them. Figure out what your spouse needs to feel respected and do that...for them....to show love.

We have nights to remember...OK OK...I'm not talking about those nights. Some nights my husband and I will just start talking about memories before we go to sleep. I love these night. They are very precious to me. It reminds us both how and why we fell in love with each other

We always refer to each other according to any parenting decision This was hard at first..but it has really made a difference in parenting our daughter. There is no manipulation on her part. She knows that mom and dad are a united front....now don't get me wrong...there are definitely times where I say no cookies before supper then as I look around the corner I see them piled up in the recliner sneaking a cookie.

we sleep in the same bed...every night...cold feet and all.. There is no sleeping on the couch because we are mad at each other. There is no being pushed out of bed by a child...Sometimes Lyla will climb into bed with us in the middle of the night but she will go back to her bed before one of us leaves our bed. That is our bed..she has her bed. We sleep in our bed....together.

Like I said above ...what works in my marriage might be totally opposite of what works in your marriage and that is OK, but I encourage you to sit down with your husband and make a narrow road that you will not stray from. Just list a couple things...and make sure those things are non negotiable.

My husband and I didn't have a formal sit down meeting to write these things out..these are our everyday actions that we both know are important to each other.

Do you have a narrow road in your marriage? What is on your short list?


8 comments:

  1. Those sound like excellent rules. My hubby and I also kiss on leaving and coming home....and definitely sleep in the same bed.

    We are older and do not have kids so those rules do not apply to us but I think they are great rules.

    And respecting each other is a really big thing...it is hard to get along with someone you have little or no respect for...and they won't like you long either.

    Young folks need to be told all these things before they get married...maybe the shock wouldn't be so bad if they knew more about what not to do...and what TO do.

    I'm glad you posted this. I'm sharing it.

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  2. What an awesome narrow road, and great example to others!

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  3. Oh Nikki this is wonderful! I so enjoy posts like this where married ladies talk about what is actually working in their relationships and what steps they are taking to keep it healthy and strong! I'm taking notes, not just for whatever the future may hold, but for my relationship with my children and others I cherish.

    ~rose~

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  4. Very wise words! It's those things that are most important in a marriage and I think many fail to recognize the importance of putting one another first.

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  5. Nikki! These are excellent!! Kindred spirits, you and I!! I'm so blessed to be on the JCITM team with you!

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  6. Wonderful post and really great advice! I am here via the blog challenge follow along.

    KK

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  7. Thank you all for all the nice and kind words!! I appreciate each and every one of them!!!

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  8. I'm not married yet, but I'm sure I'm gonna keep all these things in mind when I do :) Wonderful post, beautifully written. I love each and every word of it.

    I'm here via the Blog Challenge hop :)
    Good luck for the month ahead :)
    Much love

    Shruti

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It is so nice to know that I am not talking to myself. I love reading your comments and I try to respond to each and every one! Thank you for stopping by!