12.22.2012

No More Apologies



I was blog hopping around and found a blog (please forgive me because I have no idea which blog it was on..if you are reading this and you know what I am talking about ...leave the blog in the comments and I will quickly add it as a source!) where a girl had posted a No Apologies Post. It was cute. I enjoyed reading it at the moment...but later it really inspired me to do my own.





I usually don't post anything about family on my blog. I have my blog linked to my personal facebook page and I'm not sure who all reads it so I don't want to hurt any feelings or even worse invite drama into my life...more than what I already have.

I have had weeks ...actually months of misunderstandings with family and you know what...this is my blog..my space..to be me..I won't go into detail but I think you can get the general idea.
 
I've talked to other family and close friends about our whole situation and everyone has told me to just forget about them and move on...be happy. Now, to be fair, my friends and family only got my side of the story...but I trust them to tell me if I am doing something wrong. And usually they have no problem doing so.....So when everyone you love and trust is telling you that you are just putting yourself and your daughter in a hostile situation that turns into a vicious cycle...why shouldn't I listen and remove ourselves? Why am I not happy about that decision?
 
I've realized after many nights of prayers and tears that I care. I care if my daughter knows what family is. I care that she knows that family is there to take care of you..not to judge you..or to pick sides. I care if she has a relationship with her family. I care that she knows that family is a hiding place to just be you and get away from this crazy world of technology and favoritism.  I care.
But eventhough I care...I can't make them care. I can't make us get along. I can't make them see the world from our viewpoint.
 
I have apologized for what I have done, haven't done, and even for things that didn't even involve me. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Forward Motion. For Lyla. For our future.
 
And then something else happens..It is usually me getting my feelings hurt, our little family being left out of the big picture...or my daughter not being treat fairly..and I go through the vicisous cycle all over again. I Wonder why? What did we do? What are they thinking? How do I solve this? How do I forget it?  Just Forgive, Apologize, and be the better person....
 
But.... I am just about tired of apologies..
 
Why?
Who wouldn't like an apology? That means there is remorse..and things can move on.
 
because they only come from me
I feel like I am saying sorry for everything..even things I haven't done wrong..and for things that I never even knew of..and i'm tired

Let me plug in here and clear up what my definition of an apology is:
  • I think an apology is a sincere sorrowful feeling ..a feeling of remorse for something YOU done to hurt someone else
  • I do NOT think an apology is you saying your sorry for the way someone FELT because of what YOU done.

An apology is being sorry for YOUR action...not for the way it made someone feel.

i am tired of apologizing for who i am and what i do and don't do...and how I feel

no more..

i'm done

I am who i am.like it or not.

and I am not apologizing for that anymore

No More Apologies!
 

 

2 comments:

  1. Good for you! I had to come to a similar realization a few years ago and break ties with my sister and limit my association with my own mother. In the end, I'm a much happier, healthier person as their selfish, manipulative, two-faced behavior was quite honestly killing me. As my husband says, "Life is too short to spend it with people who make you miserable." Also, with them I learned that if I'm always trying to make them happy (and they're never happy with anything), then I am never happy either.

    I don't apologize for doing what is best for my family. I can't. Not everyone understands it, because it isn't ideal, but it's the way things are.

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  2. thank you..I'm glad someone gets where I am coming from. Thank you for bring it to my attention that not everyone will understand that is ok ..

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It is so nice to know that I am not talking to myself. I love reading your comments and I try to respond to each and every one! Thank you for stopping by!